I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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