Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i came on her dog
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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