Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
