I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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