Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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