i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
