twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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