I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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