i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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