We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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