Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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