Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
