you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize