they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
