If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
