she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
