How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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