I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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