i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
