is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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