Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
