I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this hospital has no fireball
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
