I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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