I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
