It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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