My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
