I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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