If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
