Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
