sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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