I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
