Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
