smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
