You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
