It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
