They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
