So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She's the barista slut.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
