Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
