today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
