I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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