pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
