Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
