I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
