"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
