hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
