So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
