There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
