I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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