I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
