Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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