I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
