your thong is hanging out like whoa
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
