You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
