i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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