eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
