walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
my liver is dry heaving
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
