I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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