I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
