I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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