And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
