im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
