where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
