Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
