Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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