Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
